Thursdays At Eight by Debbie Macomber

Author:Debbie Macomber
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: MIRA
Published: 2001-09-18T04:00:00+00:00

“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.”

—Agnes Repplier

Chapter 22

CLARE CRAIG

April 7th

I can’t believe I actually agreed to this dinner party. It’s insane! The last time I went out with a man other than Michael was nearly twenty-six years ago. The minute Julia suggested the idea I should have refused. I have no idea what made me agree. How could I have done such a thing without thinking it through more carefully?

I’m not ready to date again. But if I phone now, just hours before I’m supposed to show up, I’d be putting Julia on the spot. To be honest, I’m not as worried about that as I am about what she’d tell the others in our group. Then everyone would know what a coward I am.

Okay, the decision is made. I’m going.

No, I’m not. I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say. Idle chitchat with a stranger has never been my forte, even if this stranger is the nicest man in the world (according to Julia, anyway, who also says we’ll have lots in common). The truth is, I don’t know why I’m afraid. As Julia pointed out, this is totally nonthreatening. Having dinner with the uncle of a good friend. Really, what’s so scary about that?

I think what terrifies me is the idea of any man in my life other than Michael. I didn’t realize how insecure I am.

I refuse to believe that after all these years as a competent businesswoman, I’m letting a dinner date do this to me. I guess it isn’t insecurity as much as the fear of making myself vulnerable again. I don’t want to put myself at risk, especially when I know how crippling the pain of rejection can be.

Liz reminded the group that she doesn’t need a man in her life. I agree with her. I don’t need a man, either. I’m a smart, attractive woman, dammit! I’ll admit my personal life has been a disaster recently. I’m coming back, though, slowly but surely, from the edge of insanity. I’m recovering from the grief of Michael’s betrayal. Getting over the anger.

This evening, I’ll go to Julia’s with a brave smile and zero expectations. I have something to prove to myself. I am healing. I’m almost whole again. Oh, sure, I take a few steps backward every now and then. For instance, my job with Murphy Motors—in some ways, that was a mistake. The main reason I wanted the job was to get back at Michael. I wanted him to spend his nights worrying about what I was doing, but my ploy lost its effectiveness when I learned he had other, more important things keeping him awake.

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